How Fires End

Well, here's another book that has left me with many questions to dwell on, and I cannot seem to move on to another. How Fires End by Marco Rafalà was, to me, an exquisite journey through memory lane, and I can't stress enough how compelling it all was.

5 out of 5 stars.

     In short, it was a book that had handled every detail with extreme care: relationships, history, setting, and character voice and development. And in all of its ups and downs, I was left to question the need for one's memory, relate to Salvatore's loss of faith, and share his regrets.
     For me, the book presented a variety of subjects, and through them, I focused on one's memory. I have come to ask myself whether it's even healthy to cling into certain memories, and thus, question why we allow their creation in the first place. The dead, for instance, are to be remembered, otherwise, well, they're completely dead. However, isn't remembering them a way for the bomb in us to detonate? Aren't we better left with no memory of loss, or else we are haunted by them and are then destroyed, or permanently damaged?

     Well, it seemed to me that Salvatore's refusal to let go of his brothers' death caused his fall in the end, and resulted in further loss, as David ends up following leads into the past. Salvatore's firm grip on the past begins to slowly loosen, I believe, when he's confronted by his son. It all went downhill from there, and everyone around them was affected -- broken.
     Memory was what caused their demise, and it puzzles me. Salvatore kept those memories hidden, kept them safe from everyone, but they eventually broke out, and I think he, among many, regret ever keeping them in mind.

     Faith, too, was a big theme in the book. It, mixed with tradition and culture, resulted in a death sentence, that is in no way merciful or just. It was particularly cruel, as it was passed unto a child, a mere boy of about nine-year-old. Young Salvatore saw his faith crumble in front of his eyes, while blame ate him up from the inside. To him, Saint Sebastian was just a myth; a story told to children, and the people condemned him for it. Faith is not only about love and care. It is not mere peace, for it also is ruthless in the eyes of its believers.
     Frankly, it makes me wonder, are we to have faith, even when faith takes everything away from us?

     How Fires End doesn't necessarily provide us with answers, but it certainly helps us sort out our inner conflicts, showing us that we are not alone.

Productivity Mood

We so often claim that we have no time to achieve the goals of our days, or even the dreams of our future. There is always a sense of running out of time. Ironically, most of us that complain of having no time suffer from boredom. Often, we just lie down and spend our days being bored, while in truth, having a million tasks to accomplish. Yet, it seems we have programmed our minds to certain "moods". Meaning that in spite of having the free time to get down to work on our tasks, we just say that we aren't in the mood of such tasks, whether it's meeting a deadline, progressing in your reading-list, or even as simple as sending an email.
     In reality, there is no "mood" to things. Yes, there exists moments in which we feel more inspired to accomplish things, but that still depends on our mindset. Moods can be as misleading as writer's block. Both exist but only if we allow them. A block is simply the lack of ideas, which can be dealt with during a stroll down the neighborhood or your local park. Similarly, a mood is something we created to understand that we sometimes lack the energy to do certain things, which eventually leads to boredom. It's not because we're bored that we aren't in the mood, but rather the opposite -- our lack of mood results in our boredom.
     One needs to overcome the creation of moods to be productive, and that can be achieved, even if it felt like a sort of feat:
     1- Organize your time to allow yourself some breaks to rest.
     2- Fuel your spirit by doing what interests you.
     3- Start today instead of tomorrow.

 It wouldn't be as difficult once you start. Happy productivity!

Obligation and Trust

To be accused of confusion, just for being discreet, seems quite irrational, but it happens. That said, it makes me wonder; "Am I obligated to do and feel certain things?"
     This, I ask with real confusion, for people have made me feel more like a villain; an abnormal person, for not doing or saying expected things. Yet, isn't such obligation only needed when there's trust in between? Certainly, many disagree, but personally, I think I'm only obliged to do and say certain things, when I trust this other person -- It's not simple, for trust is not easily acquired.
     However, people drag me down and make me feel bad for such things. I know I can be difficult, but I also know that as understanding as I can be, people can be kind enough to humor me and be as understanding -- Ask me, and I will answer, but do not assume if I decide not to give an answer, for I will have my own sensible reasons...

     The main point is that no one is obliged to do anything unless it's their responsibility, and I'm sure that adults are only responsible for one another in very rare cases, and those cases require, again, a great deal of trust.

Was it Faith?

With every passing day, I become more convinced of this world's inconsistency, and I start to wonder; "Is God really that bored and unorganized?" Truth be told, I even think God has quite the complexities. In so many ways, I see the lack of the so-called perfection that people usually attach to his almighty essence. That, of course, pushed me further into the Unknown.

Before I begin, I have to explain that I, in no way, am insulting people's religions, or Gods. I am merely expressing my opinions on the concept of such a thing like God.

     This concept of a higher being as our perfect creator, whom guidance we all seek, is a bit weak for me, and I shall explain and express all of my troubles through the upcoming blogs...
     First things first, how did we come into existence? We can go back to Adam and Eve, but eventually, we'll arrive at God's feet, and so, he's our creator. However, how do we know that God didn't come out of something as well? Surely, neither us nor him are mere coincidences in this world... certainly, we're not just a miscalculation of the chosen population.

     That being said, why then are we here? We can't be the result of a coincidence, because logically, everything has a cause. Moreover, who is to answer such big questions like these? Who or what is that which holds the unmistakable truth? Are we meant to follow priests and reverends? Are we to read the Quran, the Bible, or is it the Torah? Who is to tell where the Real resides? Isn't that meant to be subjective after all?
     Therefore, isn't the concept of God meant to be different from one to the other, which in itself would create a plentiful of Gods; the Greek Gods for example were, at some point, believed in. In fact, I, too, believe in multiple Gods, for certainly, a merciful one wouldn't bear take away a child from his parents, nor a loving parent away from his children.

     In the end of the day, we are all different, and I'd like to believe that even in the Godly realm there exists a fine line between good and bad.

Home

It's incredible how everything becomes natural at home -- feelings, people, and even the surroundings... all flows as natural as water. I have visited home a couple of days ago, and I realized how it brings me closure, for it is the essence of all my childhood memories -- memories of innocent and mundane days that now seem like a blessing.
     Being there took me back to those years when we were all alive, even though oblivious, and it made me realize that I have appreciated my surroundings because it was close to home, and I'm missing it daily...

The view from the rooftop.

      The picture of the marshmallow-looking clouds proved to me that a single look at the sky, in a familiar place, would ease all my burdens. However, it all made me wonder; "Wouldn't he have loved to tend his birds with the company of such a lovely sky?"

External VS. Internal

I have realized something yesterday, and that was the concept of the self and the other; my internal world versus what surrounds me.
     In the middle of the day, I caught myself humming... I was so happy, yet I couldn't understand why, for I've always known myself to be gloomy and grumpy. Then it hit me; my mentality was different -- I have removed all of the day's obstacles and did my best to win over them. It wasn't that the day was light, nor was it because I had no disturbances, but it was about my own mindset -- I was able to see the beauty in every simplicity. Even though I've somehow altered it unconsciously, I still had that effect which made me stop and think whether I fell in love with someone or not. After all, wasn't that how love-stricken people were portrayed in the movies we so often watched?

     However, I concluded, by the end, that it was never a matter of mindset, at least to me, because I've always been triggered by the external forces -- our 'oh so beloved' society. In the end, I've seen my humming transform into annoyed syllables, for society had always drained me. The self can only go as far as your capabilities, whereas the other unite all together to stomp on your most exciting days. Finally, leaving you with the memories of your friends, families, and loved ones.

A Victorian Judgement

Appearances always mattered, but for the Victorians, they were almost sacred. The focus, back in that era, was all on physical perfection, status, and wealth. In other words, class was what people took advantage of to be known and respected, and in “The Fifth Child”, the aspects of the Victorian era couldn’t remain hidden, but surfaced to doom the lives of David, Harriet, and many others, and it all starts with their fascination over the Victorian house, which they eventually buy and occupy. That was the beginning of their end, for they have marked themselves dependent upon an illusion of a happy, perfect life ever since, and that’s what the Victorian house, I think, stands for — the perfect exterior of a life hiding all of its interior’s flaws and problems. After all, Harriet’s requirements for a normal life of happiness seems to be everything but normal, especially for herself and David, whom are irresponsible.

It's quite strange to see that today's world is becoming a very sad replica of the Victorian era's beliefs, at least from where I come from. Most people will refer to this as Capitalism and all that follows, but honestly, let's drop the political/economical labels and take a moment to get back to the origins...

     Personally, I'd go with Nature, but I'm not going to lie and say Nature only, for it's obvious that a lot of things in this time and day require man-made concepts. After all, people still use their influence, status, money, and technology for many things, and that is fine. I speak of no morality; that's a subjective thing. However, man-made things push many of us to think that perfection could be achieved, and that in itself is unnatural — have you ever seen a perfect, unscathed path?

In the end, perfection is man-made and subjective, so who is it that will decide its measures?